


The Winter In Your Dreams

by Hecate



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-22
Updated: 2012-12-22
Packaged: 2017-11-22 01:01:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/604096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hecate/pseuds/Hecate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I like it here," Lucifer whispers, arms still stretched out, eyes on Sam. "I want to stay."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Winter In Your Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Not mine, no money made.

It's Christmas and it's raining, the streetlights faint in the night, puddles of dirty water reflecting them like dying fireflies. It could be beautiful. It's not.

Sam dreams of snow.

The sky is clear in his sleep, the snow settled and still pure. It looks like a movie scene, artificial and surreal. It looks like a memory of a childhood he never had. 

Sam knows he's dreaming. He doesn't mind. Not yet.

Jessica runs ahead of him, her hair a halo, her steps looking so easy and free despite the snow. He follows like a ghost haunting her, running, afraid to lose her again. The snow twirls and dances in their wake, their footsteps vanish once they're gone. 

He calls her name and it echoes.

She stops and turns, suddenly still, waiting for him. He runs faster. And then he's there, he's with Jessica again, and everything is bright and calm around them. She's wearing white. 

She's laughing. 

"Sam," she says, watching him. "Sam." 

He steps closer still and sees it, suddenly, and his heart stutters, angry and broken. Her eyes are too old, too sad; and he stumbles back. 

The dream is silent.

"Don't," he finally says and Jessica cocks her head, her hair falling into her face like a veil. "Don't," he repeats and it hurts so much, hurts to see these eyes in her face, hurts to speak the words that will destroy this vision of her.

Jessica turns away and into someone else, something else, and the memory of losing her the first time raises its head. Sam closes his eyes and pushes it all down, dreams himself into a stone. Opens his eyes.

Lucifer looks at him, his expression curious. "You don't want to see her?"

Sam only shakes his head.

"Why?" Lucifer asks, impossibly gentle, and Sam has to look away again, can't face all this power and loss bound together until it turned to hatred and pride and hell. Can't face Lucifer because he _understands_ too much, they both do, and he fears that this might be the only thing it will take in the end.

He doesn't answer Lucifer's question, doesn't say anything, and suddenly Lucifer is _touching_ him. A rough-skinned hand against his face, a careful caress that leaves Sam feeling warm and safe and longing for more.

He can't want this. 

He doesn't want this, it's just a lie, something the devil created out of Jessica's memory and Sam won't fall for it, won't sell the world away because the pain in Lucifer's eyes is so very human and familiar, because Lucifer was betrayed by his brother. 

A step back brings more distance, but his skin is still burning and God, he wants Lucifer's touch back.   
Sam shakes his head, angry, tries to get rid of the need that fills him, tries to remember that Lucifer is evil and everything Sam tries so very hard not to be. Sometimes, it's hard to remember everything, to remember what he needs to be: Strong enough to repeat the same answer until the apocalypse falls apart and Lucifer is dead, until the hand that just touched him rots in the ground.

Sometimes, he doesn't want to be all that anymore. He just wants to _be_ , he wants to look at Dean without feeling guilty, he wants to look at Castiel without feeling heaven's judgment and the taint in his blood. He wants ...

"Sam?" Lucifer says and it's Ruby's voice.

The dream burns red with anger, with a need he had almost forgotten, and Sam looks at her and stares. 

She's beautiful.

"Is this better?" Lucifer asks with Ruby's lips, and Sam can't answer. He remembers kissing that mouth, remembers the lies coming out of it. Remembers killing her, the way she folded into herself, trapped between him and Dean, the dead weight she turned into. 

He remembers her betrayal.

And yet, he nods.

"You miss me," she says and it hurts because it's true and shouldn't be, because he dreams of her smile when he doesn't dream of Lucifer and the world falling apart under their hands.

She smiles and dances away, her hair wild. It's a flame, and he's the moth again, following her steps through the snow.

"I miss you, too." Ruby says and Lucifer means it, sadness wrapped around Ruby's smile. "I want to be with you." She whirls around, her arms reaching for the limits of the dream, finding nothing, and she laughs. Sam thinks of a bird then, a bird stretching its wings and finding the cage gone. "I like it here," Lucifer whispers, arms still stretched out, eyes on Sam. "I want to stay."

Sam shakes his head. He can't give him that, he can't say yes.

Lucifer shrugs, forever patient, and Ruby's shoulders are a fragile wave covering terrible power. She's dancing again, the snow her partner, mirroring her steps. Ruby lets herself fall suddenly, like a snowflake, hitting the ground with a soft noise, flailing wildly and laughing. It's a smooth sound, its edges lost in the dream. 

Sam hardly remembers her real laugh but he realizes that he loves this new one, the surprised happiness in it. He wonders, briefly, if that is all Lucifer and chases the thought away. Happiness is for humans, the way mercy is, and Lucifer feels nothing of that, wants to burn them all away. 

The snow parts beneath Ruby's limbs like the Red Sea, waves of white rolling away to settle at the edge of her body.

A snow angel, Sam realizes, and bitter laughter escapes him. A snow angel made by the ruler of hell wrapped into a demon's form. It's horribly fitting. "Snow angels watch over me," he whispers, and it sounds like a threat.

"Sam," Ruby says and when he looks at her, she offers her hand in a silent request. He takes it without hesitation, the memory of her before Lilith too strong in the dream, the feeling of her skin beneath his hand a siren call he can't ignore yet. Sam pulls her up, and the angel in the snow fades.

She's close then, so very close, her body warm despite her antics and the thin dress she wears, and Sam remembers the need that connected them, feels it uncoil in his stomach again.

Ruby reaches out and the devil is touching him, raw power twisted into a familiar caress, Ruby's hand on him, her lips on his mouth, teeth and desire and the fires of hell. And as easy as that, Sam breaks.

He kisses her like he used to, sinks into her with all his anger, is rough because he can be, because she can take it. She won't break, won't die until he kills her, until he wants her dead, and it feels so damn good to be the one controlling his loss for seconds even if it means nothing in the end. Her death still hurt, her betrayal burnt deeper, and he wants to tear her apart for that, wants to fuck her until the pain goes away.

And Lucifer will let him.

"Everything," she whispers into his neck, her lips already bloody from his kiss, a wet, warm smear against his neck. "I'll give you everything." And Sam _wants_...

Her clothes tear quickly beneath his grip, her hands ripping apart his own, and it's so scarily easy, the way they're suddenly naked, Ruby pale against the snow, looking soft and breakable. She's pulling him down, opens up for Sam, and he's lost in the way she bruises under his hands, lost in her bloody lips and strange smile. She's his and he's inside of her, her legs wrapped around him, her fingers ripping into his back.

Beneath them, the snow melts.

He comes with an angry sound, his teeth red with her blood, and Ruby arches against him a last time, falls back down with a soft noise. Smiles up at Sam, a flash of red-speckled white, and Sam can see Lucifer in her eyes.

He wakes.

Outside, it's starting to snow.


End file.
